Lots of women want to know how to touch their man: how to massage him, kiss him more sensually; how to touch his penis or caress his cheek lovingly. These are all great inquiries. However, our issue is that most women want to know how to touch a man “better” only because they have this desperate hope that their touch will bring him back from an emotionally unavailable place.
If your man is “falling away from you”, your touch won’t bring him back.
He may allow it and even enjoy it. But it’s not going to make him more attracted to you in a way that will inspire his love. Instead, it’s going to send him a message that I’m quite sure you don’t intend on sending: “If you ignore me and pull back, I will reward you with sensual, sexy, loving touches.”
Don’t reward a man for pulling back or for “being on the fence” about the relationship. Don’t lean toward him and try to “PULL” him back to you with your touch. NO woman should be giving a man a foot or back massage if he isn’t totally, 100% committed to the relationship. That is catering, and catering only encourages him to stay unaccountable.
(If you are married or in a committed relationship with a man who loves you and is accountable to your union, but who has admitted that he needs more touching, I’m NOT talking to you. In such case, you can touch him all night long!)
The best way to bring an emotionally unavailable man back to you is to sit on those touch-eager hands of yours and do NOTHING.
Wait for him to come to YOU for intimacy. When he comes close to you to be intimate with you, take the opportunity to immediately tell him in a soft, loving tone (with warmth in your heart) that you love him but that you feel insecure and concerned about the status of things. TALK TO HIM about your feelings and risk that vulnerability, instead of trying to “sell him on you” with your touch.
Tell him how you feel while keeping your heart open. Even if you are upset at him for his neglect, tell him how you feel in a way that allows him to COMFORT you and make better on his behavior. If he does care about you, he will be eager to heal your hurt. If he doesn’t care for you any longer or has been taking advantage of your heart all along, he will show a lack of willingness to provide comfort.
It’s best to use clear dialogue that is simple and to the point, “I feel neglected and I don’t want to be in a relationship and feel that way.” The longer you make it, the more likely it will sound manipulative or confusing. He needs to see that you are up-front and honest and he ALSO needs to see that you still trust him enough to share your true feelings. This is going to require that you “bleed out” your vulnerability and speak with him in a loving tone that expresses your real hurt. Don’t speak about your feelings like you would a business deal to your boss. Don’t be afraid to really let him see how he has hurt you and what he means to you. This isn’t a sign of weakness on your part. It’s a sign of strength that you are confident enough to tell the truth and expose your true feelings.
Let HIM be the one to “cradle your heart” as the man. A real man doesn’t need to be coddled and coaxed and caressed into something. He needs to feel like the protector and provider and that comes from you letting HIM touch YOU, caress YOU, hold YOU and make YOU feel safe! Once he shows emotional availability, then touch away!
Kristina is co-author of the eProgram for women entitled, Inspire His Love for You. In the program we discuss the real importance of only giving to a man WHEN IT SUITS YOU to do so. So, for example, if touching a man sets yourself up to feel used or unappreciated afterward, don’t do it. We also show you how you can get him to warm up and open up to you by explaining how to MAKE ROOM for him to come close.